How to support someone whose intimate images were shared
You cannot undo what happened. You can decide what kind of witness you are. A guide for partners, parents, friends and colleagues.
By Susanna Gibson
When someone tells you that intimate images of them are being shared without their consent, your first reaction will shape the next months of their life. People remember who believed them, who looked away and who made it about themselves. This is how to be the first kind of person.
Believe them, immediately and completely
Do not ask to see the images. Do not ask why they took them, who they sent them to or whether they are sure. Those questions, however gently meant, tell the survivor that they are on trial. The only person who did something wrong is the person who shared the images.
What to say
- “I believe you, and I am so sorry this is happening.”
- “This is not your fault.”
- “You do not have to figure this out alone. I am here for as long as you need.”
- “What would be most helpful right now: company, practical help or quiet?”
What not to say
- Anything that starts with “Why did you…”
- “At least…” anything. There is no at least.
- “Just ignore it, it will blow over.” It may not, and ignoring it can destroy evidence and miss takedown windows.
- Speculation about who did it or what they deserve. Let the survivor lead.
Practical help that actually helps
Offer to take over the parts that are hardest to do while in shock. Keep the evidence log: URLs, screenshots, dates, report confirmation numbers. File the platform reports and search-engine delisting requests on their behalf, with their permission. Sit with them while they call a helpline or make a police report. Handle the phone when it rings. Make the meals.
Do not look, and do not share
Every view is a new violation. Do not search for the material, do not open links that are sent to you and tell others, firmly, not to either. If someone sends it to you, document the sender and delete it; if it may depict a minor, report it to NCMEC rather than saving it.
Stay for the long haul
The crisis fades from everyone's attention except the survivor's. Check in weeks and months later. Ask about court dates and platform follow-ups. Notice when they are not sleeping. Recovery is not linear, and the most meaningful support is the kind that is still there after the headlines are gone.
